Axl Rose made me run today

tomorrow I may hate him! HA I found this warm fuzzy feeling inside me today... I think it was happy ;+) I found out that Logan is on a baseball team with his friends from upward and Karl his coach for football and basketball is going to coach his baseball team... I almost cried I was so releaved and happy cause that kid don't know how to play and I don't know how to teach him... I didn't learn much in teeball. HA Anyway, I told Karl that I really appreciated him putting Logan on his team. Karl said he didn't even look at the scores he just looked at names. He said "we are already a team. I know it will be a great season because the kids get along". I thought awe my baby belongs... I really almost cried. I'm thinking if I had periods now would be the time of month I'd have it. I'm a bit bloated. Logan was happy cause when he doesn't do so good he knows his friends will have his back! poor baby needs a father to teach him how to play baseball... ugh ok I have so much more I could say and share and probably should at some point in time, but not tonight I'm tired... Thank you Axl

The inner diet

So i get these emails from Daily Fit... ummm daily! HA


<><> <><> <><> <><> <><>

<><> <><> <><> today's inspiration

<><> <><> Commitment Level <><> <><> By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach <><> <><> Welcome to Part 6 of my 8-part series on emotional eating. The fifth most common issue that interferes with your ability to lose weight is called Commitment Level. According to my Inner Diet research, 28% of all overweight people who are dieting and trying to lose weight experience this issue... Get the full story http://www.innerdiet.com/theProgram.aspx There have been several of these daily emails I have found very interesting... I even share them with my group... Thought I might share with you guys too!

Some ties are hard to break...

Others aren't!!!

Here is an email between me and... that's right, Jim:

Re: ‏

6:07 PM

To Jim Perez

From:	Lacy Slaughter (lacyrslaughter@hotmail.com)
Sent:	Thu 2/23/12 6:07 PM
To:	Jim Perez (jim_zeppy@yahoo.com)

Stop contacting me

Sent from my iPhone

On Feb 23, 2012, at 9:37 AM, "Jim Perez" <jim_zeppy@yahoo.com> wrote:

For what it's worth.. U were right.. About my need for therapy and that I was to much to handle ... The Jim today doesn't like the Jim I was to u .. Just a few short months I can see the difference in my tht process.. .. If u still have the same number .... I hope u hear me for who i am today and not the pain i may have caused.... I wish I was mature enuff to have handled our situation differently... Cause I did want u for MY forever ... And I know this because .. I can't seem to get u out of my head ... I think of our first kiss in my garage ... Over and over again .. ..I will never forgive myself ...cause my relationship with Logan was awesome!! And I lost him in the process ... If u ever find it in ur heart to take a look .. My number will be the same ... I hope ur well I miss u both so very much .... Jim

Zeppy

For the record... At the point in time I ended it I felt NO pain... In fact, I kind of laughed at his shear stupidity. For those who may not know or don't remember he called me a niggar whore and told me to fuck off and die... lol it still makes me laugh! I finally woke up and realized I was in a horribly abusive relationship and I was way fucking better than that!. I'm still pissed at myself for putting up with all that I did for that stupid glimmer of hope that I could be done with the whole dating thing and have my happily ever after... The truth is Jim was too fucking short for my taste. I really am that shallow and I had convinced myself that was something bad... um I have reconsidered that and decided that I'm done with dating people I'm not really attracted to; i.e. Sim, Shea, Jim... Let's face it, Chris was really cute, but maybe just a little to clean cut for my taste. So the only way of contacting me he has left is to come by my house... I have no problems with calling the cops for any reason I deem necessary. I have blocked him on facebook and on my phone which is why he thinks I have a different number or something ...
I could totally analyze this email... it's really funny how clear things are when there are no emotions involved. You know all that stuff I have read (i.e. Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood) makes perfect sense... I'm at a loss as to why I allowed myself to buy into all those things I know are RED FLAGS... Stupid emotions!!! I have concluded I have to get over this stupid HOPELESS Romantic crap I have been stricken with my Whole life becaues it is HOPELESS!
PS Seeing La in her beautiful wigs makes me want to have long hair or wigs myself! HA

Soo Busy

Hmm. Let's see. I've been busy. I took Rj to eat sushi at Nakamura last Friday night and it was delicious!!! They have fried oreos; i.e. the best thing since fried bananas!!!! HA. Then he suckered me into taking him to Midnight Rodeo, btw did you know that Grahams closed lol where have I been. It was lame. Some country band was playing so it cost $15 each which obviously I paid since he is unemployed. I think he and I were the only ones there that didn't know who the band was... oops. I sat and played hanging with friend and read an article on Adele until he told me I could go home.... I was super tired the next morning when I got up to get ready to head to Eldorado to watch Devon powerlift. My mom sadly sent me a text when I got out of the shower letting me know that Chico, her puppy dog, passed away that morning. I had to wake Rj and send him home. Mom was really sad. Then Devon asked me where Rj was and I had to tell him cause I'm not lying to my kid, and he was sad... Anyway, Devon did good, but not good enough so he is going to another meet in Strawn on Friday. FYI it is 3 hours away... good thing I'm taking Friday off. Road Trip!!! Anyone want to join? When I made it home Saturday evening I ate then went to sleep. I slept from about 730 til 1030 then again back to bed by midnight and slept til 1015... then a nap around 3pm.. I was sleepy! It was nice to have the house to myself. I almost felt guilty for sleeping so much, but then decided not to. I emailed the peeps at Sadie's Rescue and they confirmed that it is basically impossible to find a home for 2 large 9 yr old dogs. They suggested that since I'm so busy I walk my 2 dogs twice a day for 20 mins each and give them lots of toys!!! HAAAAA yeah right! I can't even walk me once a day for 20mins. I made it to the gym 3 times last week and haven't made it back. I'm hoping to go tomorrow after basketball practice. ugh this weather is getting me. I have a sinus headache that won't stop... so I think I'm done rambling for now...

sleepy tired

Apparently I have moved my bedtime to midnight or later which really sucks cause I have a hard enough time getting up in the morning as it is. There doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I managed to make it to the gym tonight... by myself... ooooo I hate that. I did the tredmill for 30 mins and messed around on some of the equiptment. i did not feel like I got a workout. Logan on the other hand had a blast during open swim... It was crazy for me to just leave him in there, but hey he survived. It was kind of funny, once the old ladies got out of the pool from doing the water aerobics it was like little boys came out of the woodworks... they were everywhere... Logan had a blast, planning to go again after bball practice tomorrow night. So far loving the Y LOL I've only been twice HA

I love you guys!!!

Thanks lady's for all of your support. Please tell me more about this place you pay $50 to find a home for your dogs cause I will totally do it. The dad thing... I just need to grow some balls and do it. LOL my mom is sooooooo ready to kick him out for me. The guy things... I'm in mommy mode I have no time for anything more in my life... my kids are it. It just sucks when Logan is always wanting a man around and then I feel like SHIT I don't the last one sucked a bit more than your dad! HA. I get that single mom guilt thing easy then I harp on myself because I couldn't give either of my kids a home with their mom and dad and wonder what is wrong with me? I struggle with seeing couples... I need to disconnect from fb i think because I find myself tortureing myself by looking up people I knew growing up and seeing their happy little families... I get some relief when I find those that are like me with a couple of kids from a couple of different people... ANYWAYS enough about that... I utilized my new Y membership for the first time tonight and attended a Zumba class... I was glad my friend Val from work was there to push me along cause I almost walked out without doing anything... when did I get to be so insecure? I seriously pulled into the parking lot and had to talk myself into going in because I saw people coming and going and I know the big muscular guy at the desk and he use to smile at me when he worked at River Crest and I got all uncomfortable and stuff... LOL I think he was just being nice. NO NOT interested in him... He is wayyyyy too young! Anyway, Valerie talked me into staying and I think I might actually go back.  I survived the entire hour of Zumba. I had a hard time with my feet on the Latin dance parts but the hip hop pounding part (LOL I don't know a better way to describe it) was really fun I got so into when the song was over I thought I was going to puke... That's when you know you have worked hard! I'm gonna hurt tomorrow! Hopefully I will get a good nights sleep tonight... Sweet dreams... <3

Laura did it first...

But I had already planned on pouring my heart out to you guys... not so much for any reason other than I just need to get this shit off my chest... I am so fucking exhausted! I hate my dogs... so please please please if you know anyone who is willing to take on 2 9 yr old weimarners please let me know I will give them away in a heart beat... but I can't seem to put them down, although that may change. I need my dad to move out just because his very presence pisses me off. spending time at home this weekend made me realize 2 things: 1. I'm never home this much 2. I really hate how I feel when I'm at home. Logan has been on this kick about wanting a man in the house... not a lazy one (he was talking about my dad - he may listen to me a little too much... oops) He talked to his father friday before this past cause he was really missing him so I told him to call his father, since his father never fucking calls him. So a couple of weeks ago Logan told his coach that he doesn't like it when I crochet at practice and not watch him. His coach informed me on fb, which really got under my skin. I of course explained to Logan that he needs to be paying attention to practice and not what I am doing while he is suppose to be practicing. I made the comment to my friend Lisa that if I allowed Logan to he would consume my every moment cause he only ever gets attention from me. Then this past Saturday I told his coach Logan won't be here this weekend for the game cause he was going to see his dad. His coach is a jokester and was saying that's not allowed. Logan comes back with, well how would you feel if you didn't get to see your son everyday... yeah that shut his coach up and almost made me cry. So this weekend he has been telling what his ideal dad would be like... basically pay attention to him and not smoke. He's a good boy and lets me know that I am better than his ideal mom. I never wanted to do this by myself and I keep repeating my mistakes I wish I could just learn my lesson and move on with things. After this last mess I got myself into I really have no desire to venture into anything with anyone... I can't even imagine myself with anyone which is exactly how this crap works. You get into bad relationships then conclude that you are better off alone... up until the point someone says all the right things and you are back in a bad relationship again. I tell my patients all of the time that healthy people don't end up in unhealthy relationships because they run when those red flags go up instead of oh hey that's not that bad... I can forgive you this time... well he's working on that issue... It's all crap! I wish I could accept that I deserve better... I wish I would trust myself. I wish I could believe that I am good enough... cause that's where the real issue is. No matter what I accomplish how I look in the back of my head is always the thought... I'll never be good enough... the kind of person I would want would never want me so I have to settle which is what I have always done... Well not with Ralph the first time I didn't think I settled because I thought he was something he wasn't. I had no reason to think that he had no drive or ambition he had accomplished so much in such a short period of time... FYI today would have been out 3 year anniversary for the second marriage... apparently it's still hard. I don't think it's because of him, but because I failed twice. All I ever wanted was a career and family (husband included). ok... I'm sick of this... for those of you who have made it all the way thru this nonsensical mess thanks for reading and for the others...

So happy you make me want to puke!!!

That's what one of my patients told me the other day. I thought holy shit I must be doing something wrong cause I think my kid and my dad would say.... I'm mostly crabby. I think things are seriously out of balance in my life! I'm joining the Y tomorrow but who knows when I will get there to work out... not tomorrow. Weewaa. Probably not Saturday or Sunday... Hopefully Monday. I wish someone would take my dogs and my dad! HA I wish I could stand up for myself without feeling guilty and just tell my dad I need him to go... I finally realized it is about me and I need this regardless of him having a job or not. To my surprise he thought if he had a job he would just stay here and my thought was he would move... I need to communicate better apparently. I want to simplify my life sooooo bad cause I feel overwhelmed all the time. But hey I've got my patients fooled I guess I'm hiding it well! LOL that is exactly what I preach to them about doing! I have gained weight, but I don't know how much cause I don't wake up in enough time to weigh cause i'm going to bed between 12 and 1am every  morning so I wake up way too late... I've stopped wearing makeup other than powder and mascara. Sorry you guys don't get the super happy always positive me... I use it all up at work!!!! weewaa

Comments

Apparently when I thought I couldn't comment on anyone's blog so I stopped trying and didn't blog anymore... I was wrong or sleeping or something...HA I'm back!!! We'll see how long this lasts!!!!